How To Love A Human Being (Wisdom For Married Couples)

        By Sheryl Paul

October 10, 2013 5:08 AM EDT

This is one of my tell-it-like-it-is posts, the kind in which I
blow the whistle on the veil of falsity and illusion that our culture
encourages around intimate relationships. Because we're inundated with
fantasy via Hollywood and Disney, we develop false beliefs early in life
that relationships shouldn't be hard and that our romantic other should
be something akin to a god or goddess.




In the early stages, when the honeymoon euphoria releases endorphins
and other lovely hormones into our bodies, we may, indeed gaze upon our
partners like they're a magic elixir arrived to induce a state of
constant happiness. But as this drug wears off, as it always will,
the sizzle fades, the glow dims, and we start to realize that we're
with a regular human being. And regular human beings are far from
perfect.




My clients often feel profound guilt for thinking or feeling
less-than-blissful thoughts or feelings about their partner. They
clearly don't know that it's normal not to feel madly in love every
moment of every day, and that it's normal to feel annoyed or irritated
at times. It's normal to look at your partner like he or she is an alien
descended from Mars, and it's normal to wish they were different.




So let go of the guilt, and read the following list to know that
you're far from alone when you react negatively to your partner's
inherently flawed and beautiful humanness.




The truth about human beings:

• They say goofy things
• They tell dumb jokes
• They're insensitive
• They have bad breath
• They have bad hair
• They'll say things in front of your kids that you wish they hadn't
• They're grumpy
• They're moody
• They're quiet
• They don't load the dishwasher "right"
• They're controlling
• They'll nitpick and nag
• They'll have road rage

In short, if you're in an intimate relationship and especially if you're a Highly Sensitive Person, you're going to feel irritated and turned off at times. Again, this in itself isn't a problem.




The problem arises when the overlay of shoulds and shouldn'ts enters
your mind because you've fallen prey to the Hollywood fantasy that your
partner should be a glossy, minty-breathed hero who always speaks
intelligently and cracks clever jokes. She should be refined,
successful, well-dressed and a sex goddess in bed.




Because, of course, behind the silver screen, everyone is
polished and perfected. If they have bad breath you wouldn't know it.
Every hair is smoothed into place. Every joke is scripted by a group of
creative people sitting in rooms thinking up clever lines. This isn't reality.




Wouldn't it be nice if we didn't have to work so hard to create a
healthy template for what to expect from our partners? Wouldn't it be
helpful if the media told us the truth so that we weren't constantly
comparing our relationships to unrealistic fantasies?




But since our culture insists on transmitting and upholding a
fantasy, I'll tell the truth here: your partner will look unattractive
to you at times. And it's not necessarily because you're in a projection or you're disconnected from your essence, although it could be. It may just because he or she is human.




And guess what?




You're human, too! Everything I've written above applies to you.
Grabbing the mirror instead of the magnifying glass can help soften the
judgement that easily flies from mind or mouth when the irritation that
you're with a flawed, imperfect human being overwhelms you.




One on the most important skills in cultivating and sustaining a
healthy relationship is learning to accept your partners quirks and
foibles. And after you accept them, you will eventually learn to love
them. That's when you've shifted from the adolescent state of
infatuation that our culture calls "being in love" to the real, mature
love that runs like a river beneath a solid, loving, lifelong
relationship.




Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

5 Beliefs That Are Messing Up Your Meditation Practice

By Ashley Turner
April 18, 2014 4:27 AM EDT

In beginning a meditation practice, common (almost universal) challenges arise. Some of these have to do with myths of meditation. Others relate to negative habits and patterns, or mind traps.
If we're not aware of these challenges, we may become easily discouraged and feel like quitting. Once we normalize these tendencies, realizing they affect nearly everyone, we can learn how to work with them and even use them as support in our practice.
Here are the top five myths of meditation and how to move through them to deepen your practice:
1. “In Meditation, My Mind Should Be Calm And Quiet.”
One of the most common myths of meditation is that it’s about “getting rid of thoughts” and experiencing a calm, quiet mind.
Meditation is actually about noticing how our mind works, observing the rapid-fire thoughts neutrally and not getting caught up in them.
Meditation is a training of the mind. We train our mind to notice when we get caught up and come back to the present moment. We can still be meditating while we are in the presence of thought.
2. “I Don’t Have Enough Time To Meditate.”
Remember, mindfulness is a kind of meditation ­— simply being aware of what we are doing in any moment (walking the dog, doing the dishes, talking on the phone). It is building awareness in the present moment by simply being aware of the sensations, thoughts and emotions that arise. We can do this anytime, anywhere. While the most effective way to build momentum is to sit for a regularly designated sitting meditation, however, even 5 minutes a day or pausing for 10 deep breaths is extremely helpful.
3. “It Feels Like My Mind Is More ‘Crazy’ During Meditation.”
Once we pause and start paying attention to our mind, we begin to see how erratic and addictive it is and how little control we actually have over it. It can be disturbing to realize how unruly our mind is. But, remember, meditation is a practice of paying attention. So, making this observation is a sign of progress, not failure.
4. “Meditation Should Be Blissful, But It Feels Like Such Hard Work.”
The mind is a mirror. When we begin to meditate, we are faced with thoughts and emotions that may be painful or difficult to experience.
Meditation can be difficult, tiring and even frightening. It is not easy to sit still with unpleasant patterns arising. We usually see pictures and images of people meditating while sitting in a serene, blissful state. Over time, by bringing our thought and emotional patterns into awareness, we begin to learn how to work with them and release them. Meditation will become easier and more blissful.
5. “I Don’t Think Meditation Is Working For Me...I’m Not Seeing Any Results Yet.”
Like life, our meditation practices will unfold in its own time and at its own pace.
Meditation can help heal emotions, change thought patterns and create more responsive, less impulsive behavior but, it doesn’t happen overnight. Studies show that positive neurological changes and neural integration can occur even within the first few meditation sessions. Consistent, even small, effort is more effective than sporadic, longer, enduring sitting meditation. When we don’t notice life-changing, blissful experiences we may get discouraged or even feel like quitting. Instead of focusing on how blissful you feel during meditation or how long you can sit, focus on any small changes in your daily life:
Are you sleeping better? Are you feeling a bit more positive, motivated and upbeat about life? Are you more able to let go of stressful thoughts or impulsive reactions? These are signs that your meditation practice is working.
Photo Credit: Shutterstock.com

Plank 5 Minute Workout for Great Core Stability

I love to this first thing in the morning and after I come back to work before I do anything else. Really feel refreshed and energetic afterwards! Have fun doing it :)

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